Hated.

Hai everyone.

So basically I am procrastinating myself from doing things that I'm supposed to be doing, I promised starting next week I'll try to no procrastinate but I can't really promise so yes here I am making promises on a thin air.

tonight I want to ramble about the perks of love and hate.

This two contradicting thing that resembles a lot in a magnificent way.

When I was a little kid, right when I'm in a primary school, I think I was loved, and yet I was hated.

With the girls, I was loved so much till they fight with each other to be the closest one to me.

With the boys, I was basically hated as they bullied me, almost every

time they get the chance to see me.

And yet, most of my primary school days all I can remember is being hated and being bullied.

and so the power of love loses to the power of hate during my primary school days.

During those days, I am basically one of the most outstanding student. I was bright in my studies so teachers love me. But to the kids, I'm a bright one too, in a different way, as I'm dark skin and have this little squeaky voice, I have tiny eyes despite my skin. So yes, maybe I was too outstanding too the boys till they use all my prominent features to color my childhood memories with dull tainted colours.

I got called names for my features. Most of it are horrible ones. The ones that made me cried so much when I tried to sleep the night before the next day. Telling myself that I had to endure another day of school. Another day of boys calling me ugly.

I was hated.

Or so I think.

The bullying was quiet severe but not too much till I can't handle.

But the effect does linger till now.

Imagine being call ugly half of your life.

How can one try and convince herself that she's actually beautiful.

So back to my IELTS speaking practice.

I was given a question, "do you think you are a good looking person and why?"

That was a tricky one.

What's even annoying is that I've been asking myself that question my whole life and I dodge it everytime. Laying the question all alone, not answered, letting it echoed through the walls of my mine.

And during that day I have no options but to tell myself that I need to answer that.

So basically I answered it with my whole heart's content. I tell them that I think I am a good looking person. Because I need to appreciate myself to be happy. Cause if I don't no one else will.

I answered that truthfully.

But of course, I hid the flaws of my answer deep in my mind.

My real answer will be longer.

".... but on the contrary, I don't really view myself as much of that good looking like how society describe it. I think I'm good looking enough for me. But if I have to say, am I good looking for another person? I would say no. I'm pretty for me myself, but no, I don't think I'm pretty enough for someone else."

That would be my real answer.

So boys, think twice when you want to bully a girl.

The effect it have sometimes last longer than you thought it could have.

Because it still lingers around with me.

The word ugly still echoes in my mind.

freaking hot pretty beautiful nina