Assalamualaikum. Hi. Today is saturday aka lazy day aka not supposed to be lazy day anymore faz cause external is just a few days away aka okay I'll study later. Hahahaha, I'm so funny you guys should love me. I mean I love me. (Hoping there's at least a person who reads my blog ((exception of myself ofc)))
I'm done with A2 trial which I promised you I did it horribly enough even Friday the 13th main killer would be horrified with my result. That is of course, because of:
1. my last minute studying
2. I'm not ready
3. when was I ever ready?
4. I promised you I'll be ready for external though, I pinky swear you.
As I have neglected my blog long enough for the same excuses over and over again, today I'm going to talk about moving forward. So, what's with the current headline? Well nothing really just me having this sudden epiphany on life. Here's the thing about life, in general (in my general dictionary though). Life supposed to taught you on how to constantly be on the move. Which is commonly we do; progressive movements, eventhough sometimes some people wished to be regressive and they did; mostly those in the mid-40's crisis.
So what about being on the move?
Well, it's a move that most of the time you don't expect and you don't really foresee. That's life, they're unexpected and mysterious and fun.
Which explains:
1. How one my best friend is gonna get married or nikah in this month on 24th April.
2. How my one longest bff (13 years and counting) have gotten herself a guy.
3. How everyone else is having someone in their life right now
4. How I'm still here, being me.
It struck you really hard when people you were so closed to, or are still close to are moving so fast it doesn't seems to make sense. One moment you knew the as them, a singular entity. And now you're knowing them as them, more than one singular entity. They and their spouse, or they and their partner.
They're moving forward.
And I'm moving forward too, even if we don't head in the same direction.
We're moving together (I hope)
I hope that they're happy. Whatever the decisions may be.
I would be lying if I said I didn't feel like such a sore loser to the core after hearing all this news. But I can never picture myself having what they have for now. Last few nights there's a talk by one of the admins of tarbiah sentap. He talks about ikhtilat, he talks about couple. And he said that if you felt that something you do is wrong, aka sentap in his dictionary. It means that, we still have our iman healthy inside of us. That, our iman was caged (because of our bad deeds), but it's constantly rattling the cage, wanting to be free. That's why when we do something bad, and we knew that it's wrong, we felt it in our heart, it means that our Iman is still healthy.
Which also explains why I can't move forward in:
1. Having a boyfriend/relationship
2. hanging out too long with my silatmates (as we have too many boys and girls mixing with each other)
3. They sometimes hang out till late night
3. Which leads to me leaving them
4. Which might makes them hated me or offended by me
5. Which leads me having this sad feelings for having to leave them
6. But the contentment that I have now, deep down can never make me reverse my action
.
So yeah.
I guess I'm moving forward too.
Wallahi, I'm not a religious person at all, my zaman jahiliah is more jahil than any of you could imagine. So out of path and so saddening. If I remembered back how jahiliah I was, how ignorant I was to the one and Only, it's horrifying.
You don't know how jahil I was because I was hiding it, and Allah help me by covering my aib (How merciful Lord is) and because I choose not to unveil my aib, as Allah hated those who spread the aib of others, and those who doesn't even cover theirs (as Allah cover theirs).
So it's okay if I don't really move forward in life like others do.
As long move forward for my Addin.
The way of life.
My way of life.
From being ignorant of Him, to the direction of Only Him.
Insha Allah.
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