The Script Concert

Because I promised I'd write more, so this is probably my first attempt of telling people what actually happened in my life, in details. And as the title suggest, it's about The Script Concert I went at Motorpoint Arena Cardiff, very near to my home, 25 minutes walking and I'm there. How was the concert? MAD.

To those who have known me up close and personal, the ones closest to me will know that I'm the type of girl who will listen to the whole freaking album(s) from artists that I deemed as worthy of my time by listening to all of their songs (because let's face it, some songs just ain't cut out for you). The Script is among the few who managed to let me indulged myself in their songs early in my life. I started listening The Script during high school, have always daydream of meeting Danny in person, and I swear, once I even made an oath to myself to find myself a 'Danny', so I can live forever with his kind of voice.

I'm smitten with his voice since high school. I love him for his voice, first. Then I discovered how he looked like when I saw his music videos and I thought, 'huh, this man is kinda old' lol sorry Dan. But that made me love him more because he's like this good-looking old man who would always be jumping around and smiling and have that little tooth gap, being all cute and when he open his mouth (recording or live) THOSE HEAVENLY HUSKY VOICE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND YOU JUST CAN'T HELP YOURSELF GETTING SWOON OVER.

So yeah, that is a little history of my background encounter with the Script. 

ME WHEN I SEE DANNY ALIVE, BREATHING AND SINGING.

Who would've known that my daydream came true. I didn't think back then I could even see Danny, I didn't even think I can go to concert because they're damn expensive and well, I was just a kid. It is surreal, I guess, a little bit too surreal which is why I almost fainted at the concert. Lol. But that was mostly due to fatigue, I am on my period and that day was kinda the day where it's the heavy-flow kinda day, and I have severe period pain (backpain) and I've been standing for almost 4 hours before Danny, Mark and Glen decided to show themselves. I haven't eaten anything. And probably because of all the blood loss, I get a little light-headed.

I swear guys, I was literally on the floor, squatting, and singing along to the opening songs (2 of them) before I managed to pull myself up and forcing myself to jump around so I can get the blood flowing down from my head.

SEE DANNY THE THINGS I'D FREAKING DO FOR YOU.

Baeby is blonde, hot daymnnnnn.

And you know what, most of the people I've seen are like people in the range of 40 and above, there's this one guy in front of me, which annoys me a little because he's damn tall and I'm an asian midget (not his fault tho) and he's like older than my dad. I WAS IMPRESSED. I legit thought he was accompanying his children but it turns out he went to the concert with his wife, and the two of them literally enjoyed the whole night, sang their heart out (THEY REMEMBERED ALL THE LYRICS, EVEN THE NEW SONGS, I AM SHOOKETH TO MY CORE, EVEN I DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE LYRICS FROM THE OLD SONGS, LET ALONE THE NEW SONGS). 

I sang my heart out that night too. I was pumped. It's the best night ever.

Funny how I waited like almost 4 hours and they performed for only 2 hours and it felt like 10 minutes, WTH? 

But yeah, it was great.

IT WAS GREAT GUYS.

I HAVE BOTTLED UP MY EXCITEMENT AND I'M POURING THIS OUT BY WRITING.

Thanks for reading everyone.

I hope most of you get to sing your heart out in your own "dream-concert" one day!

Lost.

I'm actually here to confess:

I think I'm lost.

It's actually really depressing and scary, I mean people are starting to look for jobs. Thinking about the future, carving their path, going to places I've never even think before.

I love my course now, that is without a doubt. I'm also not very great at it, and that's probably because I'm a slow learner, (putting Sansa quote here, "I'm a slow learner, yes, but I learned"). I haven't done much research about my future, I'm not sure if I want to continue my studies or go to work. If I wanted to go to work, I'm not sure what kind of work I want to venture in. There's so many possibilities, I didn't know where to start.

I wanted to find a job that suits me the most. Something that goes along the way of my soul. I thought of going into education, but somehow realized that I'm not really good at teaching too.

I don't mind being lost (just for a while) in the white sea of snow.

Ah.

I'm pretty sure my journey will be some tough and rough patches from here.

Knowing myself, I probably will go into a lot of trial and errors in my adult life.

And I think that is okay.

 right?

Hiraeth

Hiraeth 

(n) a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

I was pretty astounded upon realizing the fact that I have less than six months here in Cardiff. Exactly almost four years ago I wouldn't even imagine being here, I simply put Cardiff as my firm choice because I was dead set determined that I would never get in here. I was a poor student (in term of performance in academic wise) back when I was studying in Intec and I wasn't even trying to humblebrag or whatever, I was honestly and genuinely a very poor student, not passing my AS (I got a 10) and not repeating enough paper (because I hate accounting and I don't want to repeat the paper cause it'll be such a drag). There was basically a very sheer hope of me passing, but like every human being on the planet, we hold on onto hope and do our best, as well as prayed for the best. Kerah was pretty much my best buddy that has the same interest in psychology, and she was the one that decided to put Cardiff as the firm option, and I simply am the person who followed without much of a question. I'm so simple-minded it's amazing that I can actually get this far, I mean I swear God helped me in so many ways because otherwise, I might be in the ditch somewhere for just being such a simpleton. But yeah, that's basically it. The story of how I get to be here in Cardiff, where I'm dead sure I won't be here is such an amazing way of His planning, isn't it? I planned and was pretty confident that even if I passed I'll only be able to be in Edinburgh because Cardiff requirement was so high I never see myself getting pass it (and I still didn't get to score the way the requirement wanted, but they accepted me anyway. Also, His work.)

So that's a little bit of history how I ended up being here in Cardiff. I feel surreal typing this. I felt that everything that happened in Intec was so fresh it burns into when I recalled it, such vividness. Yet, here I am, in my final year here in Cardiff, and in my final semester of the year. Time passes by so swiftly. 

I'm getting homesick already it's insane.

There is no way I can survive living in other places except Cardiff. This place is my safe haven. Literally. I love my home and my country but there are no other places in the world that provide me this sense of security and warmth that I enjoyed during my stay here. Cardiff is not the best city in the world, but I can assure you it's the cosiest. Everywhere I go in Britain, I would still want to be back in Cardiff, even though I'm pretty sure Cardiff is quite boring, there's not much places to hang and not much attraction to brighten up your days. Nevertheless, I still love it the most.

Night walks home from the library and walking aimlessly will surely be missed,

Random chat with the lovely cashier here will surely be missed,

Store staffs gretting you and calling you 'lovely' will surely be missed,

Impromptu walk to the Bute Park will surely be missed,

Getting confuse with the buses here will surely be missed,

Figuring out short-cuts and accessing new routes on my own will surely be missed,

I swear it wasn't all rainbow here in Cardiff, but I will still miss it. I'm determined to make more memories now, so I will try to go out as much as I can, just to watch and see people, and the scenery.

Ah my love(s), Cardiff is such a beauty that warm up the soul.

I can only wish to bring all of you here, to be here with me.

2018

It's already 2018 huh?

That's really weird.

You know there's this terminology and a branch in psychology where we are interested in seeing if our perception in time can be manipulated alongside things we do in our daily lives. The idea is that if you do something that is tedious, and common, you would perceive time to be somehow faster than expected because your brain doesn't need a longer time to process the information. That's the basis of time perception, unlike most other senses; time perception rely mostly in how your brains take information from the external and process it, integrate it and thus make a verdict out of it, in this case, sensing time. So it's an intriguing idea, that if you are given novel situations and things that perhaps, will cause you to have a longer time to process it, you will, in a sense; perceive time to be longer, even though technically, time is always moving in it's own original pace.

In other words,

psychologically speaking, doing the things that you love; and things that'll make your brain to perceive it as fascinating or novel, or anything that needed more time, will let you live longer.

That's honestly fascinating.

I was fascinated when I first hear the idea. Fascinated mostly by the idea of eternal life in things we love to do. And also fascinated with the idea that, someone can come up with the idea. One thing leads to another, and then I remembered why I love my course again. Because they're fascinating.

However, as fascinating as it gets, I'm not the brightest girl in town. I wasn't scoring that good. That is prolly due to my own decisions and actions, I acknowledged that.

How is psychology?

Great. I'm always interested in things that I'm studying right now.
 But.... well maybe I'm not a good student. I'm more of a easily-fascinated-person rather than a fascinated student I guess.

Anyway,

The reason that I wanted to start writing again, is because I felt that time have become stagnant. That's fairly a new idea; and if I'm a good student, I should be able to come up with a complete draft of a study, to test the idea: can we perceive time as stagnant? and if we do? Why? and how does it be measured as stagnant?

But like I said, I'm not really a good student.

The past few years felt stagnant to me. I felt numb. I didn't see myself progressing as much. Not even regressing. Which is weird. You can't stay in one place in this world. I mean logically speaking, you are, indefinitely moving the entire time; even as you breathe, because the world is always moving,  with you in it.

I didn't think I'm improving much.

I feel like I'm lacking in all areas and skills.

I'm not growing.

And why is that?

Why did I let that happen?

I guess I have a little bit too many regrets, huh?

And from time to time I tell myself that I don't have any.

It's the defense mechanism kickin' in,
telling myself that I earnestly enjoyed every spectrum of my life.

But truth is truth,

and it is infallible.

You may distort it but the core will never get skewed.

Well perhaps,

regrets are what's making life stagnant.

Maybe the idea behind our ego mechanism is that, stagnant was ideal.

To think that we're regressing or not improving will be somehow,
 too much of a burden to the soul.

So maybe,
 stagnant is the right term.

Stagnant is okay.

Stagnant will make do.

And now, realizing this;

I'm wondering, how do I break free from stagnancy?

How should I let go of the break?
How do I lurch forward?

When will I finally be able to hit the pedal?

Comeback

I just checked my blog as in re-read a few post and I'm shocked to see the dates. Jumping from one post to another is a gap of a total one whole year. Wow. I have totally abandoned my blog and the worst part is I didn't even realized it. And that is in itself, quite fascinating. It didn't feel that it was that long ago that I last wrote something in my blog but my time perception is honestly, way out of track. 

Why am I making a comeback? I honestly missed writing. I mean, really I'm not even important to say I'm making a comeback because NOBODY CARES I KNOW but YES I AM MAKING A COMEBACK IT'S BEEN WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR. (and for aimi who's always writing and encouraging others to write too, just want you to know that you're and angel and I LOVE YOU TO BITS).

Do I have more materials to write on? Honestly I wished. 

I wanted to change a lot of things in my blog too, especially the domain oh my goodness it's time for a new freaking domain but I NEED TO FIGURE HOW TO CHANGE THAT FIRST. 

But I promised myself that I'm gonna write again. And that promise is something that  I wish to keep.

So yeah, I'll be back with more topics hopefully. (But I have fyp so I might not be able to be so active but I'll make do with what I have)

So yeah to all those readers and writers by heart, write more, read more. I believed, that most of the valuable things in life left unsaid, can be found in written words.

So find those treasures.

Or better,

make them.