not being able to complete the writing challenge

Lol.
I guess that's me.

I can pick up the last remaining days and just go on with whatever I have based on a certain day I guess. But I can't actually write continuously, because then I'll have this monotonous and boring same kind of writing which I hate, because I sound so fake.

and because I have exam coming soon! Wish me luck guys.

Love, Faz.

Day 5.

To dreams,

To be frank I have so many dreams I wanted to achieve since I was a little girl. I wanted to be a successful fashion designer, I even studied about designer brands and their names and how to pronounce it. I practice how to pronounce Yves Saint Laurant in it's own accent. I even sketched a few dresses, and I'm so proud of it, because in my eyes, they were the prettiest little thing. Later, I decided that I'll become a poet, I write poems during new year, and it was such an epic moment, because I wrote exactly at 12 am, and suddenly my poem was the grandest thing ever created. (funny isn't how imagination can uplift you so much and make you feel like you're already part of the skies). 

After that I wanted to be a dancer, professional traditional dancer, because I was immersed in zapin that I think that I was born for it. Then, I decided I'm gonna be an exceptional teacher. I'll teach things in a whole different ways and all the kids I'm teaching will turn out to be extraordinary. I wanted to teach them about life, and not about passing grades. Later, I decided to become a writer all because I discovered about blogging, and how it change my life. And my essays, maybe the way my english teacher encourages me to write, and praise my obviously doesn't make sense stories in front of the whole class that made me feel like, "Hey maybe I can write, like for real." I even thought that I'll try my best to win Nobel prize.

So you see all my dreams when I was little are simple dreams. Simple, but in a grand way. I wanted to be all those people I said, but in a whole different level. I wanted to be the best. Or so in my head, I imagined I'll be the best.

But reality hits you hard isn't it.

Life's not that easy pie baby girl. Being the best was easier in your head than in real life. Because life love throwing you craps, and shits. And your journey doesn't necessarily flow like a river in the mountain. Sometimes you tumble down the rocky road and cut yourself. And suddenly life wasn't as easy as you thought it'll be.

This is a good challenge, I love it. It makes me think about things that I've never revisit before. Like how I don't think I have a dream, and how this makes me sad because when I was little my imagination were grandeur. But now, all I think is how am I going to get job when I got home. If there is any job for me, do I need to do intern? Where? What kind of job? Shoot I have to take my license first if I wanted to do intern. But I wanted to rest at home, I wanted to see mama ayah akak abang more. 

Suddenly life wasn't about dreams anymore.

Life's about making it through the day.

Ah,

I would really love to relive all those grandeur dreams in my head again.

Love, Faz.

  

Day 4.

Letter to your sibling(s)

To akak and abang. My little goofs. 

I grew up adoring you two since I was a little girl. I adored the way you two see the world. You guys were perfect in those little eyes of mine. You guys are the perfect friends to me, albeit how annoying you guys can get. You guys made me feel full most of the time. Abang, you grew up far away from me and akak, because you live with nenek. So every weekend is the most happiest time for me as I get to see you. My brother is coming home, that thought alone made me eager for the weekend. But abang, you never stay put don't you? Because later you went to boarding school and you're further away. You got good grades and then you got the opportunity to study at USA. You keep drifting away big bro. That's why every single time I got to spend with you is a memory I rendered as treasure. Seeing you is a luxury huh? Because now you're back home, and I'm the one getting further away. *Sigh* You're the annoying, cheeky perfect brother, abang. And never in any way I would want to replace you with someone else, even though at times you're JUST ABSOLUTELY FREAKING ANNOYING.

And then akak, aaaaaaah akak. You're just the best friend. The ultimate best friend. No one can surpass you, though. Literally. It must be annoying as hell because I never treated you like a big sister. I merely treated you like my best friend. Ha ha ha. Oh well, at least I'm true towards you. Maybe we were put in the wrong order because I acted more as the big sister than you ever did hahaha. But oh well, I still love you altogether  (even though it annoys me so much how I have to take care of you just because you're cuter and smaller than I am ugh)  I know how I always showed my annoyance towards you, but trust me, not a day I don't miss you. It's just that I'm not really good at showing emotions. And you know that better than I do. (even though it annoys me so much how I have to take care of you just because you're cuter and smaller than I am ugh) And know this akak, just because you don't get to study abroad doesn't make you less than anyone else, not me and not abang. You're more than some certified degree. You're you and there's no way for someone else not to love you just for that. I'm soooooooo proud of you because you learn life in a hard way, which I'll never understand for now. (not saying I got it easy, but you got it tougher than I do).

You know what I meant when I said I love my bubble wrap?
You two, plus mama and ayah are the centre and pillars of my bubble. I know this doesn't make sense because bubble doesn't have pillars damn it but you got the gist. 
You guys are the reasons that I'm content with life.

And I will keep continue living my life adoring you two till the end of time.

Day 3.

A letter to your parents

To ayah and mama,

Thank you for just existing, honestly. I can't imagine the world without the two of you in it. You guys are the centre of my life, the sun. There are no words to express my gratitude towards both of you, even if I am to combine the weight of all the mountains, and the seven seas, you two would still be weighing more to me. I love you two love birds so much, and adoring you two is a daily routine for me. 

To mama, the wonderful wonder woman in my life.

Do you remember when I was younger, how I couldn't stand to not be by your side before I went to sleep? I was so close to you, so pampered by your presence that I fear the world would collapse on me if there is no you beside me.

 That's what you are mama, you're a shield, a living shield. 

You never take a break in order to protect your little cubs. Even though this little cub of yours is already turning 22 soon, you keep going strong. 

A protector, my little guardian angel. 

Now, I guess it's time to turn things around, I'm not your little cub anymore ma.

 I'm a fierce lioness, and I will do my best to protect you myself. 

To ayah, my sweetheart,

There could never be any replacement for you. There will be no other man that can be you. Not as a father, not as a friend. You're truly one in a million and I thank god every day for letting you be my dad, my ayah. Honestly ayah, there is no one else that I've met who doesn't care if his wife doesn't cook. I'm almost 22 and nope, not a day ayah. You're as compassionate and as gentle as the soft breeze of the ocean. Yet, you are strong and firm in your life as  steel. 

Ayah, I still remember the day you asked me with little puppy eyes, "Kenapa adik nak pergi jauh sangat study? Kenapa tak tanya Ayah dulu?" a few weeks before I fly to UK. When in fact, I've already told you a million times before, that I wanted to study abroad, that I'm going to apply for sponsorship abroad, and you already said yes to all of those things.

Funny thing is, those weren't really questions you wanted to ask.

Those are simply a facade behind your heart crying; that you're going to miss me, and that you don't want me to go.

Ah mama ayah.

There's never a day I don't miss you here.

And never a day that I'm not worried if the last time I saw you two would be the real last time.

And the panic kills me little by little every day.

My love, live long and live well.

Wait for your little cub.

I'm going home soon.

Love, Faz.

 

 

Day 2.

A letter to your crush

This is awkward. I'm not really sure if I have a crush, to be honest. But if 'crush' in the definition of; someone you can't possibly have, then maybe in a way I have a lot of people I've been crushing in ages ago. Not to mention the endless characters from anime that I've been watching since I was 9. Seriously, I still love Lee Shao Ran in CardCaptor Sakura hahaha. But okay, let's be serious. I do have a crush. Not in a romantic way, more in a sense of I find him to be different, and admiration for his views on the world.

So, to my crush.

You are different. In a good way. Your opinions were beyond my young and vulnerable little mind.

That is perhaps one of the reasons I found you to be captivating in a way. It's your writings.

Maybe, after all, I was loving the way you write. I always find words to be hauntingly beautiful.

They usually get stuck in my mind and I find your writing to be exceptionally inspiring.

A talent that can't be harbor through practice. Sometimes talent is just talent.

And it seems that you are born with it.

The way you phrase your words are beyond me.

Which is why it's very captivating, I usually got stunned by things I can't expect.

I don't know you. Seriously, that's why this challenge today is an odd one because you're not really my crush (lovey-dovey type). But if writings can give a little sneak peek of the author's soul, then I think that I find yours to be extremely beautiful and fascinating.

I'm actually glad that I don't really know you.

Because you might overwhelm me.

However, I prayed for your everlasting happiness. I think If I ever found out that one day you're getting married with some girl that I don't know, I will be extremely happy because a beautiful soul shall meet one. And what a joy to see them together.

Love, Faz.

 

Day 1.

Letter to your best friend

To my best friend, Nurul Japar. As I'd considered you, in all of my heart to be a part of me.

    Loving you was like loving the ocean. So strong and yet so easy.

I have no idea what drew me towards you. But I got to say that maybe fate had driven us together.

That maybe He wanted us to be together. 

I was a puppet before I met you.

I was easy, on everyone.

Pleasing them was my number one goal in life. No matter what they said,

no matter what they did.

But then you came along, and you were so true towards yourself.

To be honest. You were probably glistening and shimmering and crystalline in my eyes.

You were the only one that was mad at me for no reason at all.

You were the only one that I fight with.

I never really fight with people, because I'd rendered them as petty things.

But you're the first one I really fight with.

That I'd get mad with.

So that means that you're important.

I fight for things that I need.

I appreciate every time you came to me asking for advice or just telling me stories. 

I felt happy.

Do you remember our first encounter? I don't really ha ha ha.

But I can't remember times I'm not happy with you by my side.

We're growing old, nurul.

I don't know if you're going to stay. 

I've seen people leaving me, tossing me aside, so many times that I have lost faith in waiting for people to stay.

Sometimes I'd rather be the first to walk away, just because I'm sparing my heart from heartbreak.

But know this baby girl.

I would never walk out on you.

 I'll stay.

Even if one day you decided to walk away first.

I'll stay.

You're one of the wounds that I choose in my life.

So maybe please,

stay.

 

Let's.