You know; this voice inside my head always seems to be very calm and collected, no matter what the circumstances might be. It's that calm monologue you heard in every series; at the beginning and also the ending. Which also gives out a signal of anxiousness, because usually normal people won't sound calm and collected all the time.
But that's the thing about my inner voice, (I wouldn't know how everyone else's would sound like) she's calm and usually sounded very american pfttt (prolly due to the fact that I grown up watching so many American series). And they have so many questions and answers, elaborated perfectly.
But whenever I tried to let it out; in real world, the words got jumbled up. They didn't sound even 2% the same. They're always all over the place. But not in my writings; I mean my writings still sucks. But not as bad as how I would talk in real life. Maybe that's why I admire and always am in awe watching people giving speeches and impromptu pep talk. I mean, how can you speak just exactly how your mind is speaking to you?
Or maybe, my mind speaks better through my writings, who knows?
Anyway.
A month ago, I celebrated my first year anniversary at my workplace. It's actually quite weird, I didn't think I'd last long here but time have it's way in sneaking around human's life I guess. Work was still outrageously weird. After a year, I thought I would understand it better, but nah. This is it. This is just the phase where understanding reality needed more than just years.
You know, I've known people who have been working for 10 - 15 years and still don't know how to use EXCEL even though they are working in the office. You would thought that being an adult is knowing and understanding the reality, and mastering it. But no, apparently that wasn't it. Apparently, being an adult is still the same thing as what we did years ago. It's the stumbling, and falling, and guessing process, and yet the difference is that, now, even though you make a mistake; it's an adult mistake.
I thought being an adult, or working with adults are having people around me with so many knowledge and wisdom. But that's not entirely true (even though most of the time and most of them are perfectly knowledgeable on so many aspects in life).
I guess no matter how many years we live, understanding reality is not about having as many number of years living to obtain all information that this world could offer.
I think it's about asking people how's their life have been.
It's about telling people how's your day.
It's about you having your own time in your own thoughts for as long as you need.
It's about you, making as many mistakes as you can, so you can become an expert to not do it anymore.
It's about you telling your pet that they're so cute and you would die for them.
It's about you having fun with your friends and also not being around them, and still having fun.
It's about you hesitating in making decisions every day, and repeating the same routine the next day.
It's about you doubting every decision you've made, and criticizing yourself on why you didn't pick the other one.
It's about you feeling happy seeing your loved ones, and you decide that it's okay; that no problems is equal to the joy of what you're seeing right now.
I guess understanding reality is not to just be a Master of knowledge or having tonnes of wisdom.
It's just you living;
with every ounce of your strength,
bravery and wittiness that you can carry for the day,
and move along with the direction of your life that you've chosen.
And telling yourself; everything is fine.
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| Understanding reality is also to miss people dearly, and believe that you would see them sooner than you can blink. Holding onto that faith so you can take that one step for that day. |
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