sombong.

Some said that I have changed, that I've become somebody else. 

That I've been shutting off people because I can.

Simply put maybe people think that I was being superior, and arrogant.

Maybe.

OR maybe that is just how I think.

Well the thing is it's not that I'm being arrogant, but this is somehow the other side of me.

I did not changed, I just show you the other side of me.

I never said that I was the type who is outgoing all the time, I did not said that I can tolerate whatever it is without limitation.

I have my own pace at my own agenda.

I am full with secrets.

I guess we all are universe full with secrets.

Therefore I am sorry for hurting anybody.

But here I am to clarify, that I am not being arrogant.

I am being me :)

And for the rest,

you can go ahead and judge me.

Little heaven.

Hai

It's been quite long since my last entry.

And today I'm gonna rant it all out.

I'm going to tell you about my family, the whole beauty of my family.

First off, ayah.

What about ayah?

Ayah is my definition of a perfect guy? why? Because he is downright funny, good-looking, had the most noble heart and the most patient and understanding guy I've ever met in my whole entire life. My dad love my mom the way she is, my mom is not a cook-person, she did not cook, rarely as in once a year, and yes my dad still love her the way she is. He did not ask her to change. Persuaded her maybe, to cook sometimes but never once it is a force or an order. No tell me where can I find this type of guy nowadays, where all they want is someone pretty and intelligent and a great cook bla bla yada yada,  as in human perfection exist. But still, when it comes to romance they said, "I'll accept you the way you are." All bullshit talk and no action.

Mama.

Is a beauty.

She is not a cooker. But she is a perfect mother. Who loves to clean the house. So if my mom is not a good cook ofc it passed down to her children but that doesn't mean that I don't want learn how to cook, I will, someday. But I doesn't need my mom's cook, all I need is her love and that is more than enough, the love that she have showered upon us, her children.

Abang.

Another definition of perfection, or my ideal type of guy perfection.

Good looking, humorous, a brilliant guy, knows how to cook very well. And love his family just the way we are. Never play with a woman's heart (wow) but most of all very very lovely. We might be apart, but we'll always be close at heart :)

Akak.

The lovely little lady, who loves to sulk, rant to me for hours about what happened to her, are perfectly rounded and cute nevertheless and now have someone waiting in line. I can't this little girl that I've been bullying since we're little have a serious guy waiting for her. And of course like me and all of my siblings, we're egoist.

None of us have a relationship until now.

I just wonder who'll be the first?

Above all.

All of this people accepted me for who I am, and I accepted them for who they are.

and,

this little heaven, is forever mine to keep.

claustrophobic

You need to know.

That sometimes when I said 'you' it might not mean a person.

When I said sea, it might meant my endless thoughts.

When I said disappearing, it might meant something else.

My words are words layered by undeciphered thoughts.

I chose to leave because I need to.
Because I want to.
Because I have to.

Because sometimes I think I need to breath.

P/s: ini cerita tentang sekelompok manusia dengan aku. Tapi mostly ini masalah aku bukan masalah sekolompok manusia tu. Aku claustrophobic. Tu masalah aku.