rushing

I've been feeling like time was running a tad bit too fast, and that I've been running out of it. Everyday I was rushing myself, everyday was quite vague.
Ladies and gents I still don't have a firm task that is supposed to be mine.
Everyday I have to do new things, and things that came suddenly.

At first I hated it,
I feel like I'm volatile, that my work is, they keep changing and I don't like not being able to know what is going to happen next. I've used to having my days scheduled out for me, what assignment, when to submit, a year work have been given to me at my earliest convenient so I'm always ready.

And now, it's a day full of surprises.

Good Lord,
please let me be okay.

Love

Can we talk about love today?

I think it's amazing how one really fell in love. Fell in it. Be in it. Stays in it. 

I personally think that it's magical.

I think it's such a wild idea to adore someone till the end of your breath.

I've never really put much of an effort in loving someone.

Generally as it is. This doesn't count as significant other love. Just love in general.

I think that I'm really such an easygoing person. Not that I don't feel love, I love everyone that I knew and admire, like a breeze. Spontaneous as it is.

I might not show it too much, but I really love the people that I love.

I've seen and met people who've gone out of their ways in the name of adoration.

People who are brave to express their love freely.

To chase for the people that they like quickly.

But I've also seen people who opted to cheat in their relationship.

And I've also seen people who are willing to stay even when they are not in a real relationship.

It's a crazy world we live in.

People are changing their partners like they are changing clothes. 

People are flirting with other people even when they have a partner.

After uni, I've met so many random and wild people that I get to expand my horizon.

And this new horizon shocked me to my core.

Well, anyway. I hope that we find the right one for ourselves, one way or another.

Be it after multiple breakups,

or a one time hookup (in the halal way ofcourse).

But whatever it is, the most important thing in life before finding yourself your own significant other,

is to start loving yourself.

I miss cardiff honestly. Someone please take me back.

Start loving the way your voice sounds like (even when people said it's too high and squeaky)

Start loving your skin tone (even when people said that it's too dark)

Start loving your intelligence (even when you do stupid things most of the time)

Start loving your personality (even when you think that you're dull)

Start loving your body (even if you don't look like VS angel)

The first step to start loving someone else,

is to love yourself.

p/s: whoever that reads this, please know that you are one of the people that I love personally 💗💖<3 p="">

3 weeks of work

Henlooooo everyone (especially for aimi because she's an angel who's constantly reading my blog with endless support). So today is saturday and someone is at my home doing some construction/renovation thingy so me and my brother will be here for a while until lunch hour I guess, so I'm in my room now and decided that maybe I'll write after all. Frankly speaking, my writing have been rusty lately due to the fact that I haven't read much and well, exposing feelings much. I decided to share with all of you about working experience so far. I felt the need to expose my overwhelming feelings and anxiousness on certain things and hoping that some of you can understand or that some of you can relate to it. 

So here goes.

Working have me in a strange phase, probably because I never worked before. The only one time I work is after SPM phase and that is working in a factory. Literally nothing much, just routine stuff. But working in an office, this is my first time. So it's a new thing altogether. I was the only new kid on the block when I first came in. Before that, 2 months before, there's a whole bunch of new intake and so there exist two kind of groups in my office; the seniors and the newbies. I'm the newest newbie I guess. Office was kinda awkward due to that. I can sense the awkward tense in the air once in a while. Yeah I can't read people's mind due to my course, but me as a whole being is quite good in sensing the atmosphere and reading people's "between the lines". So yeah, office was still quite awkward to me; oh and due to the fact that I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I'm going to talk it over with my boss next week. 

I guess my boss himself doesn't really know what kind of work I should do or if he does, he doesn't really talk to me about it (because he's super busy)

Oh and also awkward situation is where I doesn't really know what's going on in office and suddenly been taken to attend super big meeting with boss of my boss where I just sit there, listen to things, with no introduction of what I'm supposed to be listening to.

Missing Cardiff so much :'(

This phase of life, is very confusing.

I don't really have work to do, in all honesty.

So I've been really anxious because I feel bad for not doing work while everyone else is.

But then honestly I don't really know if anyone really is doing their work too haha.

Oh and the fact that I haven't gotten anything at all is also probably why I've been feeling weird and feeling like I haven't started working because I don't have specific task (yet) that I have to do and don't have any laptop, desktop, id card, or official work email. I haven't gotten anything at all so it's weird. I literally just walk in the office, like that, with my body and legs as a proof of working there.

Idk if I'm exaggerating things or what, but maybe I was so stocked up with the idea of working will be hectic as heck (and it will soon I believe), so not having specific instruction on what to do is worrying me.

My boss also asked me to do my own job task and KPI. That got me worried as hell because I'm green. How do I know what my own job task if my boss doesn't really give me specific instruction.

Imagine hearing things like "I want you to be multi-talented, that you can do everything from preparing MoU, to knowing about laws, and psychology of our workers department, and also help the Insured Person).

I have really no idea what is it that I'm doing.

I have no idea what is going on.

Please pray that I won't break from all this confusion.

And that my work won't be too much for me to handle.

But in all honesty, life have always chosen me to be the guinea pig.

It's amazing really, to the point that I'm not even surprised anymore.

average

Hi! "It's been a long time" this should probably be my designated template for each of my post because honestly I'm either posting things here a week straight or like once a year. I need to start finding the right point for moderation. Hello guys, it's been a while. I have now actually graduated from Cardiff a few months ago! Can you believe it? I mean all the dreading and soft-emo post I have posted in my blog, not to mention the whole rant on twitter or let alone snapchat and I actually did it! I actually really graduated from Cardiff Uni and managed to get a worthy of a degree that I am beyond proud (it's not a first class I can assure you that lol). It's ridiculous and absurd how time actually flies and I have also stated this in  most of my post that lately this phrase have become terrifying to me. 

In 4 days I will be (Insha Allah) working in KL. I have secured myself a job, a promising one. It's amazing really how Allah have lined up our lifes in the least expected ways. 

That is enough about updates. Now onto what I always do in my blog: self-reflection.

How do I get here?

My answer will always be; My Lord who is the One that brings me here. Always. 

But in entirety of the whole spectrum of my life, I'm here through constant reassurances, warm hugs and giggles from the ones I love, and also Faith. I am still scared, terrified and bewildered with this new phase in life. Some people called it the "new phase", some people called it "adulthood", some people called it "the depression phase", and regardless of what most of the people think it should be, it will always be just another step that you have to breeze through to reach the end.

It hits me hard when I realized that I am out of my bubble again. I went studying overseas and realize that the foreign wind and temperature was a tad bit too overwhelming to a very average girl who just started to grow wings. I realized that the skies were a bit too bright when the sun was out and the night was a bit too cold as the stars went to hiding. I realized that life wasn't all roses in this land that we imagined to be without flaw. I realized that I was a minority. I realized that the custom and culture were different. I realized that the language was beautiful to the strangers and felt slightly warm but not warm enough to fill all the holes that is aching inside my heart. I realized that despite all this beautiful greeneries, perfectly sculptured buildings and these beautiful souls I have encountered is not enough to make me feel whole. I realized that no matter how far I go travelling, no matter how much culture I have seen and immersed myself in, that there is no place ever, that can soothes my soul like home.

I realized that this foreign land is not home.

Some people went on and said that the students who studied overseas and still mingle with malaysians are those who are meek. Some defended us and said that no matter what kind of person they mingle with; each of those students will always value their home more as a lesson. And some rebutted and said; it's a whole lot of a big cost to pay for that kind of lesson. 

And I think it's true. I haven't really had a close "local" friend or international friend that you can confide in. I don't really went to join much of the society in Cardiff. I wasn't really exploring beyond my bubble; or so how some might say. And it's true. I have no objection towards those who thought that people like me to be a waste of money. That might be true. I realized that I was scared. That I wasn't really that brave. I was pressured and pressed on with these discrepancies between different cultures, values and norms and I was stuck. I stayed at one place. I chose the safe side. I hide. I ran. Call it whichever that you prefer, but yes, I was terrified.

But what I've been through is not something that needs validation from someone else. Whatever I've gone through is a valuable experience for me and how I grow. These past 3 years might serve as a mistake that needed some redemption. These past 3 years might serve as a reminder. These past 3 years was a blessing. These past 3 years was a curse. These past 3 years that I studied overseas as a student is my own and only experience.

You do not get the high seat to tell me that what I've been through is a waste of money. 

I mean how can someone be so sure of the degree of suffering someone else have been through when they barely even know them? How do people have this audacity of telling people that their experience worth are shit and that they don't deserve it? How do you have the nerve to tell me that my 3 years of studying doesn't worth any single dime? How do you measure it?

Maybe being average was the measurement. Maybe being average wasn't enough. Maybe being average was too common for it to be for greater good.

Maybe people didn't realized that for some, being average is everything they've given to exist.

First and last varsity game!

look at my tanned face oh god

It's my first and perhaps last varsity game that I attend here and supporting my soon-to-be-alma-mater: Cardiff University in the Welsh Varsity Cymru 2018. CARDIFF won everyone wohooo! I'm simply taking my time to update this into my blog; the experience was quite funny as to say, I am not really aware of how the rugby game is supposed to be and all the rules or how to really score so everything was brand new and funny to me. 

What I knew is that most of these people went to the game not really to watch the game, they just wanted to get drunk, and yell. And maybe games or matches are good excuses to do so.

I'm already here for 3 whole years, and I still don't like how drunken people act.

It will forever be a foreign thing to me.

Other than that,

here's to the limited time I have here at Cardiff.

Please pray that I graduated on time with good result.

and that my job offer stays.

I am quite confuse with Perkeso lol they've asked for multiple acceptance letter I don't know how many times should I give it to them.

Life

Hi everyone!

Just a random update.

It's 3rd April now wow, time flies so fast. 23 days to submitting my FYP. I'm so nervous oh god. I'm a bit slow, I'm not sure if I'm gonna panic my way through the last two weeks or what, but I'm gonna make sure I did my best for my fyp. It's literally 40% of my whole degree oh godness, I'm so scared. Please pray that I got good marks for my fyp!

Other than that, how about some life update?

Life's good so far. It is hectic, and scary and also confusing as heck because it's the transition. Adulting isn't exactly what you had in mind when you first thought about it when you were just a little kid, imagining living life like a successful human being you saw in the tv. So yeah, I was confused, I was scared, I was unsure.

I honestly went along with life.

I was dead sure that I won't be having a good life that easy.

I have this premonition that I'd fail badly and everything in my life will crumble apart. It is scary how dead set I am on things like this. I was sure that I would fail eventually.

Wooah. That some depressing shit right there.

And I got to be honest it is.

It is depressing shit.

and maybe I was depressed (emotionally not clinically).

But more than that, I was doubting my Lord.

The one who Gives.

and one of His way of subtle telling,

is that,

he made sure that I know He is All-Giver, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

I got an unconditional offer job guys.

Alhamdulillah.

It was honestly, all, His blessings.

I told you guys I was going to attend two interviews right? I got one of those. I will start working in KL after graduating. Honestly it's the first interview that I went too, and I got offer a job immediately as a psychologist.

I swear, I went to the interviews with no hopes.

I tell myself that I would never get it.

I'm trash, nobody would want me. 

I told myself, 'go there and gain some experience, it's okay, you're growing'.

And He made sure I get it.

To tell me that I should stop doubting Him.

 I should stop thinking that He can't give me all this things.

Telling me,

that He is always near.

and

that I will always be sufficient, if He wills it.

And He can.

 Now I am trying my best to finish my degree.

I won't lie; I still have tinsy bits of doubt and feelings of insecurity on everything.

I still think that I am not good enough.

But I will try my best.

and knows that if I put my all,

He will help me, in His own ways.

all I need to do is to believe.

Interviews

Hi guys,

just some update on me life that I'm sure nobody really cares but hey, this is for me.

I'm going to have my interview(s) on 26th March 2018. From Prudential and SOCSO. Why those two? I have no idea really, I didn't apply for both, they actually contacted me (through GRADUAN website, for the UKEC fair in London). I was surprised to be contacted, I was pretty sure nobody would even think of recruiting (eventhough it was just a call for an interview) regarding the fact that I'm pretty much trash, and not performing well academic-wise or curricular-wise (as people can see in my resume lol)

Oh well, but I was called anyway.

I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in between this transition of finishing my degree and knowing what I wanted to do in the future. I have like solid principles that I want to adhere to, but not really solid and concrete ideas on what I would want to do. So that's why I was hesitating of applying anything honestly. I'm not much of an introvert lol so going into big businesses and big firms scared me. But also, I'm not the kinda person who wouldn't want to give it a try or give it a go. I would want to challenge myself too. 

I finished my FYP presentation!

haven't started doing the proper write up but yeah, I'm getting there.

This three weeks of Easter Break is basically me going through hell of finishing my FYP and studying for my exam and (tinsy bits of adulting in the first few days lol).

I hope I'll get through this.

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SO THAT I CAN GRADUATE.

I'M SO SCARED FOR MY DEGREE LIFE SJFKSFKSJG.

burnt candle

Have you ever felt like you're burning and burning and constantly on fire, that one day the fire just extinguishes and you felt like the ashes. You felt you're on the ground, burnt, and left to micro-pieces. To nothingness? I felt it now. I felt like I've been burning all my life and now the fire just gradually diminishes and eventually stop burning me.  

Are we in that state where our fire stop igniting and we're left to ashes?

I don't think so. It's too early, I'm too young to give up on my life.

But I don't think my fire is lighting up vigorously like before either.

Am I burning out? Are the fire slowly getting off?

I'm stressed out. I haven't really done my fyp. I have two assignments. I have exams. I'm stressed because I'm not sure on what should I do with my life. Should I just applied for jobs without really figuring out what I really wanted to do? Should I continue my education? What aspect of jobs do I want to venture into?

Why am I indecisive?

Why am I so passive?

WHY AM I NOT BURNING VIGOROUSLY?

Where is my fire?

How do I light it up again?

How do I make it vigorous again?

Dear Lord,

How do I raise from my own ashes?

The Script Concert

Because I promised I'd write more, so this is probably my first attempt of telling people what actually happened in my life, in details. And as the title suggest, it's about The Script Concert I went at Motorpoint Arena Cardiff, very near to my home, 25 minutes walking and I'm there. How was the concert? MAD.

To those who have known me up close and personal, the ones closest to me will know that I'm the type of girl who will listen to the whole freaking album(s) from artists that I deemed as worthy of my time by listening to all of their songs (because let's face it, some songs just ain't cut out for you). The Script is among the few who managed to let me indulged myself in their songs early in my life. I started listening The Script during high school, have always daydream of meeting Danny in person, and I swear, once I even made an oath to myself to find myself a 'Danny', so I can live forever with his kind of voice.

I'm smitten with his voice since high school. I love him for his voice, first. Then I discovered how he looked like when I saw his music videos and I thought, 'huh, this man is kinda old' lol sorry Dan. But that made me love him more because he's like this good-looking old man who would always be jumping around and smiling and have that little tooth gap, being all cute and when he open his mouth (recording or live) THOSE HEAVENLY HUSKY VOICE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND YOU JUST CAN'T HELP YOURSELF GETTING SWOON OVER.

So yeah, that is a little history of my background encounter with the Script. 

ME WHEN I SEE DANNY ALIVE, BREATHING AND SINGING.

Who would've known that my daydream came true. I didn't think back then I could even see Danny, I didn't even think I can go to concert because they're damn expensive and well, I was just a kid. It is surreal, I guess, a little bit too surreal which is why I almost fainted at the concert. Lol. But that was mostly due to fatigue, I am on my period and that day was kinda the day where it's the heavy-flow kinda day, and I have severe period pain (backpain) and I've been standing for almost 4 hours before Danny, Mark and Glen decided to show themselves. I haven't eaten anything. And probably because of all the blood loss, I get a little light-headed.

I swear guys, I was literally on the floor, squatting, and singing along to the opening songs (2 of them) before I managed to pull myself up and forcing myself to jump around so I can get the blood flowing down from my head.

SEE DANNY THE THINGS I'D FREAKING DO FOR YOU.

Baeby is blonde, hot daymnnnnn.

And you know what, most of the people I've seen are like people in the range of 40 and above, there's this one guy in front of me, which annoys me a little because he's damn tall and I'm an asian midget (not his fault tho) and he's like older than my dad. I WAS IMPRESSED. I legit thought he was accompanying his children but it turns out he went to the concert with his wife, and the two of them literally enjoyed the whole night, sang their heart out (THEY REMEMBERED ALL THE LYRICS, EVEN THE NEW SONGS, I AM SHOOKETH TO MY CORE, EVEN I DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE LYRICS FROM THE OLD SONGS, LET ALONE THE NEW SONGS). 

I sang my heart out that night too. I was pumped. It's the best night ever.

Funny how I waited like almost 4 hours and they performed for only 2 hours and it felt like 10 minutes, WTH? 

But yeah, it was great.

IT WAS GREAT GUYS.

I HAVE BOTTLED UP MY EXCITEMENT AND I'M POURING THIS OUT BY WRITING.

Thanks for reading everyone.

I hope most of you get to sing your heart out in your own "dream-concert" one day!

Lost.

I'm actually here to confess:

I think I'm lost.

It's actually really depressing and scary, I mean people are starting to look for jobs. Thinking about the future, carving their path, going to places I've never even think before.

I love my course now, that is without a doubt. I'm also not very great at it, and that's probably because I'm a slow learner, (putting Sansa quote here, "I'm a slow learner, yes, but I learned"). I haven't done much research about my future, I'm not sure if I want to continue my studies or go to work. If I wanted to go to work, I'm not sure what kind of work I want to venture in. There's so many possibilities, I didn't know where to start.

I wanted to find a job that suits me the most. Something that goes along the way of my soul. I thought of going into education, but somehow realized that I'm not really good at teaching too.

I don't mind being lost (just for a while) in the white sea of snow.

Ah.

I'm pretty sure my journey will be some tough and rough patches from here.

Knowing myself, I probably will go into a lot of trial and errors in my adult life.

And I think that is okay.

 right?

Hiraeth

Hiraeth 

(n) a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

I was pretty astounded upon realizing the fact that I have less than six months here in Cardiff. Exactly almost four years ago I wouldn't even imagine being here, I simply put Cardiff as my firm choice because I was dead set determined that I would never get in here. I was a poor student (in term of performance in academic wise) back when I was studying in Intec and I wasn't even trying to humblebrag or whatever, I was honestly and genuinely a very poor student, not passing my AS (I got a 10) and not repeating enough paper (because I hate accounting and I don't want to repeat the paper cause it'll be such a drag). There was basically a very sheer hope of me passing, but like every human being on the planet, we hold on onto hope and do our best, as well as prayed for the best. Kerah was pretty much my best buddy that has the same interest in psychology, and she was the one that decided to put Cardiff as the firm option, and I simply am the person who followed without much of a question. I'm so simple-minded it's amazing that I can actually get this far, I mean I swear God helped me in so many ways because otherwise, I might be in the ditch somewhere for just being such a simpleton. But yeah, that's basically it. The story of how I get to be here in Cardiff, where I'm dead sure I won't be here is such an amazing way of His planning, isn't it? I planned and was pretty confident that even if I passed I'll only be able to be in Edinburgh because Cardiff requirement was so high I never see myself getting pass it (and I still didn't get to score the way the requirement wanted, but they accepted me anyway. Also, His work.)

So that's a little bit of history how I ended up being here in Cardiff. I feel surreal typing this. I felt that everything that happened in Intec was so fresh it burns into when I recalled it, such vividness. Yet, here I am, in my final year here in Cardiff, and in my final semester of the year. Time passes by so swiftly. 

I'm getting homesick already it's insane.

There is no way I can survive living in other places except Cardiff. This place is my safe haven. Literally. I love my home and my country but there are no other places in the world that provide me this sense of security and warmth that I enjoyed during my stay here. Cardiff is not the best city in the world, but I can assure you it's the cosiest. Everywhere I go in Britain, I would still want to be back in Cardiff, even though I'm pretty sure Cardiff is quite boring, there's not much places to hang and not much attraction to brighten up your days. Nevertheless, I still love it the most.

Night walks home from the library and walking aimlessly will surely be missed,

Random chat with the lovely cashier here will surely be missed,

Store staffs gretting you and calling you 'lovely' will surely be missed,

Impromptu walk to the Bute Park will surely be missed,

Getting confuse with the buses here will surely be missed,

Figuring out short-cuts and accessing new routes on my own will surely be missed,

I swear it wasn't all rainbow here in Cardiff, but I will still miss it. I'm determined to make more memories now, so I will try to go out as much as I can, just to watch and see people, and the scenery.

Ah my love(s), Cardiff is such a beauty that warm up the soul.

I can only wish to bring all of you here, to be here with me.

2018

It's already 2018 huh?

That's really weird.

You know there's this terminology and a branch in psychology where we are interested in seeing if our perception in time can be manipulated alongside things we do in our daily lives. The idea is that if you do something that is tedious, and common, you would perceive time to be somehow faster than expected because your brain doesn't need a longer time to process the information. That's the basis of time perception, unlike most other senses; time perception rely mostly in how your brains take information from the external and process it, integrate it and thus make a verdict out of it, in this case, sensing time. So it's an intriguing idea, that if you are given novel situations and things that perhaps, will cause you to have a longer time to process it, you will, in a sense; perceive time to be longer, even though technically, time is always moving in it's own original pace.

In other words,

psychologically speaking, doing the things that you love; and things that'll make your brain to perceive it as fascinating or novel, or anything that needed more time, will let you live longer.

That's honestly fascinating.

I was fascinated when I first hear the idea. Fascinated mostly by the idea of eternal life in things we love to do. And also fascinated with the idea that, someone can come up with the idea. One thing leads to another, and then I remembered why I love my course again. Because they're fascinating.

However, as fascinating as it gets, I'm not the brightest girl in town. I wasn't scoring that good. That is prolly due to my own decisions and actions, I acknowledged that.

How is psychology?

Great. I'm always interested in things that I'm studying right now.
 But.... well maybe I'm not a good student. I'm more of a easily-fascinated-person rather than a fascinated student I guess.

Anyway,

The reason that I wanted to start writing again, is because I felt that time have become stagnant. That's fairly a new idea; and if I'm a good student, I should be able to come up with a complete draft of a study, to test the idea: can we perceive time as stagnant? and if we do? Why? and how does it be measured as stagnant?

But like I said, I'm not really a good student.

The past few years felt stagnant to me. I felt numb. I didn't see myself progressing as much. Not even regressing. Which is weird. You can't stay in one place in this world. I mean logically speaking, you are, indefinitely moving the entire time; even as you breathe, because the world is always moving,  with you in it.

I didn't think I'm improving much.

I feel like I'm lacking in all areas and skills.

I'm not growing.

And why is that?

Why did I let that happen?

I guess I have a little bit too many regrets, huh?

And from time to time I tell myself that I don't have any.

It's the defense mechanism kickin' in,
telling myself that I earnestly enjoyed every spectrum of my life.

But truth is truth,

and it is infallible.

You may distort it but the core will never get skewed.

Well perhaps,

regrets are what's making life stagnant.

Maybe the idea behind our ego mechanism is that, stagnant was ideal.

To think that we're regressing or not improving will be somehow,
 too much of a burden to the soul.

So maybe,
 stagnant is the right term.

Stagnant is okay.

Stagnant will make do.

And now, realizing this;

I'm wondering, how do I break free from stagnancy?

How should I let go of the break?
How do I lurch forward?

When will I finally be able to hit the pedal?

Comeback

I just checked my blog as in re-read a few post and I'm shocked to see the dates. Jumping from one post to another is a gap of a total one whole year. Wow. I have totally abandoned my blog and the worst part is I didn't even realized it. And that is in itself, quite fascinating. It didn't feel that it was that long ago that I last wrote something in my blog but my time perception is honestly, way out of track. 

Why am I making a comeback? I honestly missed writing. I mean, really I'm not even important to say I'm making a comeback because NOBODY CARES I KNOW but YES I AM MAKING A COMEBACK IT'S BEEN WHOLE GODDAMN YEAR. (and for aimi who's always writing and encouraging others to write too, just want you to know that you're and angel and I LOVE YOU TO BITS).

Do I have more materials to write on? Honestly I wished. 

I wanted to change a lot of things in my blog too, especially the domain oh my goodness it's time for a new freaking domain but I NEED TO FIGURE HOW TO CHANGE THAT FIRST. 

But I promised myself that I'm gonna write again. And that promise is something that  I wish to keep.

So yeah, I'll be back with more topics hopefully. (But I have fyp so I might not be able to be so active but I'll make do with what I have)

So yeah to all those readers and writers by heart, write more, read more. I believed, that most of the valuable things in life left unsaid, can be found in written words.

So find those treasures.

Or better,

make them.