This is gonna be totally random quick post so bear with me honey. Bear with me. (imagine ada cute grizzly bear typing this hahaha comelnya). See, I just wanted to say this thing, that clouded my mind my heart and my soul (cehhh). You see few days ago no maybe yesterday I preach about how subtle a dakwah can be, how sentap sentap kinda dakwah works in a way but it doesn't always works. Tapi twitter being twitter not much can be said thoroughly, so here I came to my one source of writing that I should not abandoned in a large scale but I did anyway huhu sorry iLady.
People have been going on this topic, like how tarbiyah sentap is one of the medium, and as you can see so many people go against it, but there's other people who said that it's necessary. Maka untuk mengupas topik ini, maybe we should go deeper as to what is necessary? What does necessary mean? And even if we get what it means, does that meaning applies to everyone? Soalan last adalah soalan crucial, it's a critical analysis. (terpengaruh dengan course ceni lah gamaknya haha semua benda aku persoalkan maap ye ibuk ibuk bapak nenek atok anak anak muda) So much that people tries to justify that they forget that justification, whatever it is differs to everyone, because we have individual differences.
What people can't seem to understand is that we have this differences. We need to understand that we can't be the same. We were raised differently, we were taught different values or sometimes we didn't even get that knowledge or values.
Manusia kena faham, yang tak semua orang hatinya satu. Tuhan pun kata hati kita ni ada tiga jenis. Hati yang memang lembut macam Sohabah yang di tengahnya sentiasa ada sungai yang mengalir. Hati yang keras, tapi kalau diketuk ada kerakan yang mengalir. Dan hati terakhir hati mati.
Hati yang kena ketuk tu namanya hati sakit.
Point kat sini, sebab aku selalu menjajah macam nenek is that tak semestinya ketuk tu kau kena ketuk kuat kuat. Bukan hempuk dengan kayu je caranya, tapi aku tak kata tak boleh nak hempuk dengan kayu. Tapi banyak sangat cara lain yang boleh kau ketuk. Mungkin dengan bantal? Yelah dah nama hati sakit, hati tu dah sakit, takkan kau nak ketuk bagi dia sakit lagi? Takkan? Kau kalau sakit nak orang jaga elok elok ke nak suruh orang belasah sampai tak larat lagi hah?
Dulu aku percaya dengan kuasa 'sentap' ni. Aku bajet bajet macho lah. Ingat kental. Takpe tak kisah sakit sakit ni. Memang sesentap ni lah yang buat kita ingat Tuhan mostly. Turning point aku. Tapi most people lupa yang lepas turning point ada satu fasa ni nama dia ''istiqamah''.
Kau nak tau benda apa paling susah? Istiqamah nilah.
Banyak sangat orang kecundang sebab payahnya nak istiqamah. Bak kata lain nak steady lah yobbbb.
Lol.
Dulu, aku pernah follow ramai sangat orang orang yang bagi aku berpendidikan lebih sikit lah dalam agama ni. Aku tak jatuh verdict cakap dia alim nanti korang cakap aku ni judgmental nokharom pulak. You see I follow them because I believe that it can only bring more goodness rather than follow account yang merepek tu semua.
And then ada this one sister, whom I adore so much because she's cute perhaps a niqabis but she never ever post her picture online. Which I respect so much. And this sister always said, you know it's common stuff at that time, it didn't really struck me so hard. But that sister always said, "Jadilah mahal wahai muslimah, simpanlah wajahmu untuk mereka yang halal bagimu" more or less.
So because I followed her and I adore her, I see this sentence so many days. It helps in terms takde dah lepastu upload selfie banyak sangat. Not that there was any selfie yang gedik nak mampos ke terencat ke normal je semua. But you see, I see that kind of statement so much, like so persistently constant that, surprisingly, made me feel sad. Supposedly I should feel to be more motivated en nak you know keeping it up to par to her. Tapi sadly no. I feel sad I feel down I feel degraded.
Faham je niat akak tu baik. Akak tu memang baiklah. But little did she know, that the method that she tried to preach, unknowingly might also be the method that brings people down.
We need to understand that we're not from the same background. Untuk akak yang aku follow dulu, mungkin dia dibesarkan dalam situasi yang membimbing dia ke arah begitu. Hati dia dipupuk untuk jadi indah macamtu.
Mungkin hati aku tak.
Hati aku jenis yang sakit manjang tu.
memanglah akak tu tak bermaksud yang perempuan yang post muka kat socmed ni murah. ofcourse tak. But you see my mind works automatically, ataupun saitan saitan ligat kat telinga ni bisik benda bukan bukan.
Untuk hati tak kuat macam aku yang sakit ni,
that won't help.
Eventually aku rasa akak tu sejenis yang tak memahami. Yang tak tahu peritnya berada dalam satu kelam jahiliah ni. Perit jahiliah ni, kelam malam jahiliah ni, dia tinggal parut.
Satu term yang aku belajar dalam psikologi ni nama dia sensitization; which is a form of non-associative learning where an organism becomes more responsive to stimuli after being exposed to strong or painful stimuli. So basically parut ni kalau kita pegang kan, dia memanglah tak sakit dah, tapi sebab neuron dalam otak kau dah undergoes changes, permanently that even when kau usap-usap je pun kat parut tu, dia bagi kau this tingly sensation of pain. Sikit jelah tapi, tapi your whole body can feel. Sejenis rasa meremang. Kalau kau ada parut cuba kau buat.
kami yang sentiasa ada parut jahiliah ni.
Akan sentiasa ada satu rasa dalam jiwa, yang teriak berkata,
"kau tak layak untuk Syurga dia"
Ni automatik. Suara suara di belakang. Suara suara kesal dengan dosa.
Aku tau ada je orang yang pernah ada parut ni yang masuk tarbiyah sentap.
Tapi aku tak tau kenapa dia rasa yang it's okay to usap parut orang lain and bagi that tingly sensation.
Ni bukan pasal nak cakap aku ego
Aku tak boleh ditegur
Tegurlah
Ya Allah tegurlah.
Tapi, cuba kau fikir,
kalau Allah boleh tegur kita lembut lembut.
Kenapa kau tak?
Tak mungkin frasa ni salah.
Allah boleh tegur kita lembut,
bukan kenapa kau tak.
Kenapa kau taknak?
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