You know what?
We were never the same person we thought we were.
Even one second ago.
We're constantly in this phase of motion.
It's not necessarily though that this motion moves forward,
it could also be a reverse. But whatever what it is, we're in motion.
We're changing. All the time.
And like all of you have realized, it's already december of 2014.
I'm sorry though that this blog have been rusty. I've getting a little bit rusty but nevermind I'm writing now.
Season changes. And so do people.
But changes are what shaped us homo sapiens to become a survivor.
but straight to the point now.
I have less than a year, of having this probability that I'll fly to UK if and only if the world still remains the same. And I can see that my parents are freaking out. They have envisioned that I'll be leaving them, and one way or another, this breaks their heart.
My mom and my dad is not the type that constrict their children into what they want. We were raised to become dreamers. To be whatever we want to be, we were taught the world is limitless. That's the best thing about loving them and to be love unconditionally by them. And I knew that having their daughter, I mean the youngest daughter to leave them behind, after their eldest one found his way out somewhere in Colorado, shipping this little girl ain't gonna be all that rainbows or cotton candy. I knew that from the start. I knew the hints that they give even before I started to apply for my scholarship. I knew it all along.
And I knew if I'm a good daughter I wouldn't continue. I would stop by then right there and be here with them. But I also knew that I'm not that much of a good daughter.
I am the rebellious type, I always go against whatever people expect me to be. I don't know why but I just do. But I also know that this decision of wanting to go away have nothing to do with wanting my old folks to get hurt, it's more than that actually.
I want more. I know I can be content with just being here with my parents and make them happy. And I know making them happy is every source of happiness I could ever get.
But I also believe in making more than my old folks happy.
I wanted to do good to a lot more people.
So I needed this.
I needed to go out. I needed experience cause I am so lacking in that field of expertise.
And living on my own.
Getting out there and having everything thrown onto my plate is what I need.
I need to become a fighter.
For me.
and for them.
The best thing about my crazy old folks (my best definition of crazy not that they are) is that they always fight for us. I was shown with various of battles, not in literal though, but battles of life. And they show me upfront like a HD tv and I know that they are real. That all these battles are real and one day, I am gonna be the one that's going to be in combat.
I'm preparing myself for battle wounds and scars.
And my parents knew that, that is the thing that keeps breaking them.
Because sending your kid, your children to wars; it's like having part of yourself go.
go to this endless turbulent and storm.
but it's okay ma.
it's okay ayah.
I'm not the same little girl I used to be anymore.
I've been through small battles too, I've scars all over me.
I will be your strong little girl.
I will become a fighter for you.
xxx
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