In finding ease within the hardship.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh.

Good morning everyone. 

Now is 9.31 a.m at my laptop screen clock, and you guys might  wonder why did I wake up so early, which is actually I woke up at 8. I don't even know why, maybe it's the biological clock, I've never been able to sleep till late morning nowadays, fixed and hectic schedule might change my biological clock. Perhaps.

So basically this sem, as I told you guys earlier will be really hectic for me, in a way that I would never imagined. Now I've seen the perks of it, it has started. I can see myself in a mess, portrayed at my home, in my room, at my study desk. Everywhere is a mess. I spend more time on the bed when I'm at home. Most of it is because I'm rarely at home.

As you guys know, I'm involved in Silat. A persatuan silat which in it's shortform is called PSSCPUH or we called it as pesecepuh. This little family circle is important to me, in a way they do bring some sort of meaning to me. I have never imagined myself to be one of the important part in this family, I always see myself as someone invisible that.. no one can see me. But in a way, they do see me, they caught me and now I'm immersed in this warm family. 

It's hard I might say, in a way of training and spending your time lavishly on basically hurting yourself. But it all depends on your strength. How do I perceive my strength? How do I convince myself that I am strong enough. How?

It's like a battlefield, of contradicting emotions and thoughts, the rivalry between the right things and the wrong ones.  And what's even funny, to be able to distinguish these both when the terms itself are very very subjective.

In one way, I might be weak.

In another way, I might be strong.

But it's not about being strong that I'm trying to define here.

It's about being me, in a strong way. 

That is what I want to seek for this whole sem.

I've only seen the beginning of my hecticness, I'm not sure, when it might rose up to super hectic and so on. But I'm trying to be strong here.

I'm tryig my best to fight for the temptations. I'm fighting with my inner demons.

This is how I'm trying to be strong.

And so within this hardship, I can see the ease.

Of which me becoming strong and stronger each day,

mentally or physically,

is one way of me, having the ease in my life.

TO THE LIFE,

FULL OF WONDERS.

xxx