Unproductive?

Hai.

It's 1.17 a.m.

And I'm super bored.

Well.

When your second sem was so packed with activities and you barely have a breather.

So you can imagine how living a sem break will be.

Like really....

really...

boring....

Maybe because it's in my nature.

Nature of me being this little warm and fuzzy baby bear who love warmness.

I love circles of families.

Big families.

So maybe after all I might rethink of having just 3 kids in the future.

Maybe...

Okay.

So I've been in my second week of holiday break.

Nope no studying. Mostly eating sleeping reading books all the stuffs you do to get fat.

And I'm barely moving around I felt really really unproductive cause at least when I'm at akasia I have to walk down from the fifth level by stairs just to get food. That doesn't even add the amount of steps I have to take in order to eat. and I just hate rafi hahaha so no near places I would rather walk than waste my money on expensive mamak.

So yeah I feel fat and lonely, because my trio is not with me, and I feel... somewhat scared.

Of a little bit of everything.

Like how time is going to fast and how I'm not ready.

I have never been afraid of the future you see because I'm more to this present kinda person.

So I don't really pay attention to plan. I don't plan it's just in my nature that I don't like to plan.

I might contribute to a planning like an event or something but I simply never really plan my life.

I mean yeah there's this talk when people ask you what you wanna be in the future.

And you'll go and say, ooo I wanna be this, I wanna be that.

Yeah sure I do that too, like just talk.

But seriously, I never do anything to, you know.... try walk my talk.

So yeah. I'm here and I'm scared.

I'm here and I'm scared and still did nothing to contemplate that.

I noticed that I'm growing up.

But at the back at my head I'm still stuck.

I still thought that I was this 17 years old girl who are just finishing high school.

When I'm here and reaching 19.

I'm afraid of A-level.

I'm afraid of falling.

And failing.

I'm afraid of it all.

Yeah I'm afraid of the sudden changes of format in A-level.

Of me not paying attention.

Of the ridiculous subjects I have to endure.

That simply just not in my forte.

Of sudden decision of Intec: taking AS on january 2015.

Yeah I gotta admit I'm afraid.

I'm already so terrified now for what my second sem result is going to be.

Well yeah first sem was all rainbow and cookies.

But second sem was like just tsunami and it smack you right on the face.

But I don't hate this second sem altogether.
Never.

This second sem is pratically the best ever.

So yeah.

Yep. Idk what more to say.

See ya later xx