Assalamualaikum everyone.
Good Lord I'm tired.
I went back to JB yesterday morning, and now I'm here back at Shah Alam.
Yes.
I know.
It's tiring and unworthy but who the hell cares.
All I want is to meet my parents before I continue my journey to somewhere far.
Even if it's just Sabah.
Still, I'm crossing ocean people so please, don't judge.
So I managed to buy a few books while I'm at JB. Talk about being a time thieve.
I bought five books and use overall rm150 of my book vouchers and no, no academic books at all.
Just me,
and beautifully written papers with colourful and astounding imaginations.
That's all that I would ever spend my money with.
 |
| CURRENTLY WITH ME. |
I brought Peculiar children with me and left all others at home because I believe there will be no such thing as time to read them, as I don't even do my homework haha badass.
And I'm still happy for my new family of books. There are tonnes more I haven't finish reading yet, but nevermind. I'm still very very happy.
So back to main focus, I wanted to talk about my IELTS SPEAKING TEST.
It went well, sort of.
It just felt like I was meeting with a counsellor, more to say.
At first the examiner, Miss asma said that I was confident and look brightly happy.
But the moment I introduced myself, she said, I was putting up a wall.
Perhaps because I introduced her as me being a not really expressive person, and that I confide into my writing rather than human.
And that all it took for me to realize that maybe after all,
I do have all these walls built high around me.
That I have this trust issues.
That I have this big walls of china beneath me.
I reckoned this problem a few years ago.
But still, the question now is.
What should I do about this walls?
Should I let it stay magnificently or do I break it down?
Miss Asma: "I believe after our speaking test that you might get hurt during your past, I can feel your emotions when you were speaking. I know that you put up this walls for some reason, and I believe people might find you mysterious and wanted to get to know you more, but honey, sometimes you gotta let them in. Let them see your beauty and get to know you."
One day. Maybe.
:)
1 comment
"Sometimes our walls exist just to see who has the strength to knock them down"
ReplyDeleteWalls are built to serve their purpose. To protect. To protect the self that built it. People built walls to protect themselves from harm but there are also strong people, dauntless with the will of steel like you who built the walls to challenge people to knock them down. Seeking and waiting for the day that the walls will crumble before you. You don't need to take it down, just leave it to the 'strong one'. When the walls are knocked down, you will feel the presence of a new source of strength and courage to MOVE ON. Rather than just staying put behind a sheer shield to help you to HOLD ON.
So, it's okay to have a wall. Be it at the size of the Great Wall of China itself! Just don't forget to build bridges to allow certain people you trust to get closer to you.
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