scars

Hey everyone.

I've been in my holiday mood since last Thursday.

I am here now at JB with my beloved, a luxury I can never say no to.

So like usual, holiday is always connected with me watching my series, being at home doing some gemuk-fication. Bullies my mom and my sister, reading books and of course, shutting the outer world.

Me being happy in my bubble wrap.

That's what holiday means to me.

So. I just really wanted to update my blog but I don't really have anything to talk about. Which is funny because I've always have something to complain about and then motivated myself back. I mean this is the whole purpose of my blog. To pour out and to retain myself back.

I have so many things to say about what happen before holiday but then past is past so I'm not really that eager-ish to share the stories. And I guess some people are meant to be story tellers and some people are meant to be a listener and I'm maybe more to the later.

But the night before raya haji, we have a ladies night.

Me, akak and mama. Pouring our heart out. In total darkness.

Basically that's what I do when I met akak after a long time we haven't seen each other.

My best of best of friend is my sister, and also my mother.

I guess blood is blood.

and I guess what I learned in that total darkness, is that the scar I have when I was a kid.

I meant as indirect scar which is my childhood year being ruined by some, immature boys that acted like brats, do impact me in a way I never recognizes.

I cried in that total darkness, 

I thought the pain had gone away but it's still there in the back of my head.

My mom questioned the fact that I've never told here after all these times, and I have no words. All I knew was that I thought during that time it is something that I have to handle on my own. That it's only some kids act and nothing to be worried about.

But I guess it hurts in a way.

And maybe because I was keeping it all in that it explodes one fine day.

And that day happens to be few nights before this night.

almost ten years later or more.

I was sexually harassed when I was six.

It's not really a big deal but yes,I was six, and I had to deal with this thing on my own.

And I guess I still have some vendetta against these memories.

I haven't let it go.

I haven't learn on how to really really let go.

maybe one day I'll learn to appreciate my scars.

And I hope that one day can come soon.