A writer

The key to be a writer is to write. There's no other way, there's no other crossroad to run away. There's only this one path and it is to write. Simply, start writing.

Let me be honest with myself here. 

I am so happy when I'm writing, I feel so blessed, god I can't even put it into words but writing for me 

are not only some form of escapism. It's more. It's easy. You know how you struggle maths and science and explaining yourself to people sometimes? I mean yeah I struggle. I struggle so hard that it started to make me feel tired but nevertheless I never give up. But that was that, the struggle.

But then I started writing. And it's easy because I doesn't have to struggle. It's not a battle royale for me to put on words  on my thoughts. It's like breathing, it's easy, and it keeps you alive. I don't know how I shall explain, but I guess there's this different type of writers.

There's a witty writer, where someone writes and left an impact in your life, makes you think, makes you wonder. And then, there's this writer that is full of knowledge, they led you on information and current issues, they make everything feel more worthwhile, while of course reading their piece. Because you gain something you can use later.

And then there's me. 

A normal writer by heart. 

Here's a confession at 1 am in the morning. As much giddy as I am, and fun and hectic and lovely and funny and sometimes seems to be like a wild card, I on the other hand, is someone having a very hard time to express myself. If I'm angry or sad or tired or annoyed, I find it hard for me to express myself. 

But writing makes it easier.

I mean I can write all this thing hence all my previous post is emotional damn emotional I bet, but that's it.

I can only be emotional when I write. I can only express my emotions when I write. Because whenever I write things down, I feel like I've talked to someone although I never did. Of course some people read my blog but it's not a conversation. It's just me, I'm letting you to know me through my writing. (Which is mostly on my blog because I'm a fast typewriter and lazy handwriter) I always thought that I want to be a writer because I believed that I'm good at it, but truth is I'm not.

I'm not a good writer.

Albeit all this motivation I get from my friends and family and teachers.

I'm not.

Seriously. God, I'm far from it guys.

Way far from it.

And only now that I realized this. That I'm not that good, I mean I know that from the beggining but I had hopes that I can be good one day. Be that good writer that everyone claims me to be.

But I guess not.

It's okay though.

I still like to write.

No, I write because this is who I am.

I might not be good, but I write for who I am. My writing here is me. All me. Unedited.

This is where I learn to breath in, when words verbally suffocate me.

This is where I truly live :)