2018

It's already 2018 huh?

That's really weird.

You know there's this terminology and a branch in psychology where we are interested in seeing if our perception in time can be manipulated alongside things we do in our daily lives. The idea is that if you do something that is tedious, and common, you would perceive time to be somehow faster than expected because your brain doesn't need a longer time to process the information. That's the basis of time perception, unlike most other senses; time perception rely mostly in how your brains take information from the external and process it, integrate it and thus make a verdict out of it, in this case, sensing time. So it's an intriguing idea, that if you are given novel situations and things that perhaps, will cause you to have a longer time to process it, you will, in a sense; perceive time to be longer, even though technically, time is always moving in it's own original pace.

In other words,

psychologically speaking, doing the things that you love; and things that'll make your brain to perceive it as fascinating or novel, or anything that needed more time, will let you live longer.

That's honestly fascinating.

I was fascinated when I first hear the idea. Fascinated mostly by the idea of eternal life in things we love to do. And also fascinated with the idea that, someone can come up with the idea. One thing leads to another, and then I remembered why I love my course again. Because they're fascinating.

However, as fascinating as it gets, I'm not the brightest girl in town. I wasn't scoring that good. That is prolly due to my own decisions and actions, I acknowledged that.

How is psychology?

Great. I'm always interested in things that I'm studying right now.
 But.... well maybe I'm not a good student. I'm more of a easily-fascinated-person rather than a fascinated student I guess.

Anyway,

The reason that I wanted to start writing again, is because I felt that time have become stagnant. That's fairly a new idea; and if I'm a good student, I should be able to come up with a complete draft of a study, to test the idea: can we perceive time as stagnant? and if we do? Why? and how does it be measured as stagnant?

But like I said, I'm not really a good student.

The past few years felt stagnant to me. I felt numb. I didn't see myself progressing as much. Not even regressing. Which is weird. You can't stay in one place in this world. I mean logically speaking, you are, indefinitely moving the entire time; even as you breathe, because the world is always moving,  with you in it.

I didn't think I'm improving much.

I feel like I'm lacking in all areas and skills.

I'm not growing.

And why is that?

Why did I let that happen?

I guess I have a little bit too many regrets, huh?

And from time to time I tell myself that I don't have any.

It's the defense mechanism kickin' in,
telling myself that I earnestly enjoyed every spectrum of my life.

But truth is truth,

and it is infallible.

You may distort it but the core will never get skewed.

Well perhaps,

regrets are what's making life stagnant.

Maybe the idea behind our ego mechanism is that, stagnant was ideal.

To think that we're regressing or not improving will be somehow,
 too much of a burden to the soul.

So maybe,
 stagnant is the right term.

Stagnant is okay.

Stagnant will make do.

And now, realizing this;

I'm wondering, how do I break free from stagnancy?

How should I let go of the break?
How do I lurch forward?

When will I finally be able to hit the pedal?