A-level

I don't know which one is scarier.

The thought of me doing A-level.

Or

The thought of me not doing A-level.

I think both are my greatest nightmare.

So it's already June and I'm still here, not starting any revision at all.

Which is bad. Like really really bad. With the news of AS that we have to take this upcoming January.

And IELTS this October or August I'm not sure between those two. *truth is I don't pay attention in class*

Or maybe after all I am afraid of what the future holds.

When I shouldn't.

I mean I have no right to be worried, when I make no effort at all.

*Dush sebijik kena kat batang hidung*

One moment it seems to absurd, I mean all of this, the subjects and the papers.

Sometimes they make no sense at all.

Sometimes I wonder what the hell am I doing here, I'm not supposed to learn all this, I'm supposed to take up psychology, where minimum numbers required to be learn, and yet here I am back to square one, having to learn maths plus account all over again.

It's like a war that never ends.

Sometimes it gets to a point where everything kill me on the inside, I just asked myself, "Why did I choose this path at the first place?"

I questioned myself.

Where I know I shouldn't. 

Sigh.

But we human can never stop playing the what-ifs 

It's just in the nature.

I asked myself why didn't I take BEN at the first place at UIA wouldn't things be easier?

I mean it's the course that I like, it's English it's about writing what more could I ask?

But you know what?

I have answers for all that.

If I didn't take up this offer, I wouldn't be in Intec, I wouldn't be knowing such great, out-of-space classmates, great people, great silatmate, great organisations, great seniors, great experience that have taught me now, of being someone braver than I was before.

Exposing me to things I never imagined I can do

And besides,

Doesn't He put you on a certain place for a reason?

Indeed He is.

The Greatest Planner.

All I need now is more strength to pursue what I want.

What I dreamed of.

I can do this.

I can do A-level.

We all can.

Just have a little bit more faith.

So you can take a jump.

A leap of faith.

:)