For dreams

I have done reading TFIOS.

And currently reading  Looking For Alaska.

And I haven't even finished reading Peculiar children yet.

God I wanted to read everything yet people keep hijacking my reading spirit sprint.

And then I wanted to write.

Still wanting to write.

Even when I have absolutely no idea what to talk about.

So today, I went to legoland. 

For the first time, contrary to the fact that I lived at JB and I should have went there long time ago, but I didn't, in fact I didn't even went in the Legoland I mean the main theme park we just walk along the mall they have there, mind to tell you the ticket to enter legoland is extremely expensive, well in my kind of sense. I could not afford such luxury for a temporary happiness.

I can afford a free permanent happiness and memories if I wanted too.

And besides, Legoland is more to kids fairy land kind of sort.

USS might sounds more better though, even if it kinda cost the same or even might be higher.

So as I was walking along the mall and streets of legoland,

I mean this glorified theme park lego-based and everything,

and when I was in the car and saw how my city, my JB city have changed a LOT.

I just couldn't resist of this feeling of nostalgia and somehow this feeling of lost.

Like it seems to me I lost something.

Like something is never going to be the same.

Like with this whole urbanisation, there's a bit of my soul were taken with it.

And then I realised that I was having this kind of panic attack.

This feelings of wanting things to stay the way they were before.

This feeling of fear.

Of not wanting to grow up 

Even when I am in the process of it.

But it's not the feeling of fear or the resentment of the whole glorifying-the-city project or whatsoever

that I want to emphasize here.

It's the feeling that I get, when I see my city changing to a more vibrant colours.

That I feel like,

"This is it."

That this is why I needed to be more successful, be more hardworking.

To chase whatever it is that I wanted to be, whatever I have dreamt of,

and it's not really for the sake of the city 

or even for the reason that my city might've changed so much that I needed to keep pace with it.

It's just that I felt,

if my city can changed so much,

if all these people can think so much on how to improve and bring comfort to other people,

let's toss aside the materialistic matter for awhile now shall we?

I mean if they can work so hard in making the dreams of other people come true,

why can't I try my best to make sure that my dreams will come true too?

I mean,

why not?

P/s: For dreams.